I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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