I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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