Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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