Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
