so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
