Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
