Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
