I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And then he peed in my hair
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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