Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
