just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
