He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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