Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
