ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize