Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sober January is a disaster.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
