Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
This is the high leading the old right now
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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