whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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