I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
