I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
