My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
