Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
