Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
