dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
