Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
