I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
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