Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize