Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
