this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
