yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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