I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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