Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
