Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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