Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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