I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
this will be a night to untag.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
40s are totally the cure
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
