I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
