gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
