She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
