1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
