Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
