Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
