Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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