Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
