Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
