It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize