After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
