overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
