Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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