We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
