So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Small penises have feelings too.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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