I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
