im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
