"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
