someone owes me an orgasm
meet me or not, i'm out of control
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
