I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
