Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Acid is not a monday night drug
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
