24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
