I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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