i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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