Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
