I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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