this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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