i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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