We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
