Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
