First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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