but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize