I just made out with a guy for $7.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
