I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
