I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
