Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
