so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
