dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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