I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
