At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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