someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
