are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
